i wish that i wasnt however i am i wished that i cared i dont give a damn

My distorted heart, made up of ink and imagination,
the single fragment that links the two together. Proceeding with baby steps
I will capture you and engulf you back into my being soul and all.
My mistake... I will destroy it and rewrite this melancholy,
creating laughter and smiles... contradictions wont exist. 

To me it seems like I always end up on some dark road walking along until I feel something. A brush of wind, then stillness to ensure me irregularities may begin to take place. I always look back, I probably shouldn't ... but I do, with uncertain hopes and fears that will leave a weird taste in my mouth after swallowed. That taste must be shame, what did I expect looking back so emotionally? If it was a shadow would I have questioned it about its identity? I highly doubt that, for I am the queen of "Cowards who run faster than you actually thought they could". If it was a familiar face, yet distant eyes, wielding hate and a weapon would I have comforted them? I would have no other choice and my heart would immediately sympathize with them. Everyone hates and at times wants to harm, that dark road is lonely and cold but I'm sure that if someone were to do there best to brighten your path and give you some company that hate and lonely will fade away. Even though I turn with so much anticipation no one is ever there and if they are, they must master the art of Incognito. To me it seems like I'm always hoping, always fearing, and always mentally going glah eww after swallowing.

Fear... For how long can it rule a life? Never moving forward, afraid to look back. Is there a time limit? Will it just dissipate like a light rain cloud in the July Georgia sky? How tight is it's grasp? Does that (the grasp) differ depending on the amount of strength one has? Fear doesn't travel alone, that is a certainty. Fond companions are Anger, Disappointment, Depression, and Bitterness and although they exist so that Fear wont feel lonely, Lonely always seems to find a way to crash the party. Fear doesn't fight fair so when you call him out he's always backed by his four BFF's... and Lonely. In desperate times is it possible to hide from Fear? ...No amount of make-up, name brand kicks, or emotional hooks from your favorite play-list on your newest Ipod can cloak ones entire being from the truth that gives away your true intentions non hesitantly. Fear... how long can it rule a life? Never moving forward, afraid to look back. If one wishes to take on Fear you must gather the non judging Allies Hope, Faith, Determination, and Love for yourself and although it may seem like a hindrance Passionate Emotion. Fear doesn't travel alone, you shouldn't either. Gather your strong allies and with a fighting spirit always look forward. Fear... How long can it rule a life? Never moving forward, afraid to look back. Is there a time limit? Today, now, I will take over as the rightful heir to the throne of my life with my trustworthy allies... Always looking forward.

Pampered and pretty words wont
conquer this feeling embedded deep
inside these ink walls... My heart...
abstract, enclosed, and living
can see the lies.
Fight!

 I cant put the picture up but its pretty... I drew it with eye liner...

At an Army Family Awareness Plan meeting there was a table set up for me and my peers and this table was covered with play-dough tubs, buckets of candy, lots of plastic toys, and bunch of mini legos. Now you think we would be mature but nope i was sculpting some weird design out of the play-dough like it was my bytch romantic female counterpart. Then i saw a small plastic star wand, theres was only one so we all played rock-paper-scissors to see who would get it.... of course i lost but the wand inspired this little piece here.

There is a storm brewing in the distance,
with my magic wand I send it to a different world.
Yet I can hear all of its destruction.
Even if I cant see, the pain is still real,
there are still people fighting and hoping....
In that different world called "my heart"
I just sent destruction.

just one piece more next time i gotta go blow dry out these curls.